Dragon Breath

During another sick day I woke up confused and weary of my future. Then I saw my reflection in the mirror and I laughed. I forgot I was in this body. On Earth. Anyways, I am the type of person who needs to do something new and creative on a slow day even if it means nothing. Because in my world, everything means something.

Days like these I usually get drunk or play a video game, but I gave up drinking for good. Well I am trying to give it up again and I have three good reasons why I should:

1. I got horribly sick after drinking last weekend.

2. I am still 21 and already with a DUI.

3. I usually make an ass of myself.

Now on the other hand I could play a game, but near the end of a college semester games never really do it for me. I am not sure why, maybe stress? So I did the next best thing, which was scrounging around the kitchen for something to eat. Only one problem is that my folks are vegans (Trying at least), which really means less fresh food and more unknown canned trash, in my eyes. But this was good, it meant I had a goal now. Find something to eat. I did one better and made something to eat. After a few minutes of searching, these particular items caught my eyes:

Seasoned Mahi Tuna (Cooked and Hot)

Dijon Mustard (Delicious)

Raw Mushrooms (I prefer cooked, but this will do)

Saltine Crackers (A favorite of mine)

With a little imagination and an empty stomach I came up with my version of sushi. This dish is based off of a hot sushi plate I ate before (Called Dragon Ball). I called mine:

Dragon Breath

A tasty fish on a crunchy cracker mixed with a spicy sauce and finally topped with a delicious mushroom.

I highly recommend it to everyone. This cooking hobby can replace my drinking, I hope. Until the fridge is empty of course.

Blog Excuse of the Week

The topic of discussion is my sickness. I am sick this week (Nothing horrible) and if anyone remembers way back with my - first post - I said that if I missed blogging for a week I would explain why. Well this is that time and really a first for not writing something entertaining for Ninthlobby (Even though this technically counts). Now my excuse is pretty tame. An original story to explain why I am so lazy this week. I shall call this post, The Excuse for the Week.

The Excuse for the Week:

I just got back from Humboldt County, just shy of the 4/20 date. I spent the past weekend celebrating a good friends birthday, but something went terribly wrong. After only one night of bar-hopping, I woke up with the sniffles and a sore throat. I tried to ignore the problem, but my body got weaker and my sniffles worse till I returned home dead on Sunday. Remarkably, when I returned to the San Francisco Bay Area I felt better. But I think it was a Placebo Effect. Sure enough, Monday I woke up sick again but this time my head was pounding, my throat dry, and my bones felt crumbly and useless. I went from a mild flu to a head cold. Although, my health is slowly returning, but a few other things are bothering me that should really only be affecting an old war vet... This week I am going to see a doctor for a full checkup followed by catching up on a few weeks worth of backed up homework.

There, done. That is my excuse.

Now I think the excuse is quite valid, but this is not to say I was not prepared for blogging or writing. I keep busy. I am trying something different and a little more upscale than normal. At the moment, I am working on a script inspired by my open discussion with Francis Ford Coppola at my college this past month. It was after watching his first [un-scary] horror film D-13, which you can bare witness to quick writing-on-the-spot and static-shot-boom-in-the-frame directing; that really pushed me. Made me think “I can write this, but better” You can see D-13 all over the web ( Try here).

My script is similar. A horror about an old tradition that should not be scary at all, but I am putting my own twisted humor into it. Once I get past 50-90+ pages I will start a blog about my progress with the whole project. I feel good about finishing it up, soon...ish. After this week of course, because I am really motivated about the content (Secret).

Finally, I am writing an article with my friend Kramer ( He has a blog here). He is a close friend who was inspired to start blogging by my amazing articles; like this one. Please hold the applause. Our duo article is about personality types in men and women. When we finish (Which will be by the end of the month) we will be submitting it to Cracked for loads of cash in return. It does not matter if they accept it or not. I will make sure to post it here for my friends, family, and of course myself (Or the link if Cracked buys it) for everyone to read. It will be life changing and drop dead funny (Entertainment for the Gods). This article will be a cross between my Attraction Checklist and Kramer's Ideal girlfriend.

Hope everyone had a great 4/20 and take it easy. Next week will be worth the wait.

Editing, The Piece, Again

From, The Piece

During the summer of last year I had worked on a personal project of my own. Technically my first short film. But I have worked on and made a few before that led me to this one. Every independent short film has its issues. This is what makes it independent right? Lack of experience, time, money, stress. The list goes on, but for my own project I expected better. So in early August of 2008 I created my short, The Piece. I had used resources like friends, Craigslist, and my ever growing network to get it completed. From the very beginning I had a goal in mind. To create a short film, improve my experience as a filmmaker, and setup a reel. The final result was a disappointment. For one I was not sure what I had created and the final outcome was much different than the original idea. Although it is possible that somewhere down the line while I was switching hats as the: producer, writer, D.P., Gaffer, Actor, Director, Editor, VFX designer, and Sound designer that I may have lost my way. A vision is so hard to foresee when you have to worry about a crews lunch and the shooting schedule over the aesthetics of a single scene. This is not to say I did not have a reliable crew or experienced talent. I just did not use them effectively and my lack of experience was proof as I fumbled from scene to scene. So what I ended up with last year is the final film below. It caused many disappointments from the people who worked with me and took me a while to figure out why.

Now it is 2009 and I have not done another project of my own since. Fear is possible, but I guess I just needed to figure out why it sucked (Piece by piece). The first thing I could think of was that it is way too long. The problem with being in so much creative control is no limit. I had no limit as to what I would cut or not. Second, the content and the acting was weak. This made sense since I am not a professional actor and the talent who worked with me had a day or less to prepare. Also the script was a simple adaption from a prior project rushed with no dialogue tweaking or influences of professionalism to make it an Oscar winner. I also tried to make it as original as possible to avoid comparing my project with someone else. Finally the short is very confusing and the whole structure loose. There was nothing holding it together. No cool lighting or scene. I needed something.

From, The Piece

So after much consideration and a weekend or two sober nights alone in my editing room on Final Cut Pro I re-edited my short film. It is shorter, the quality improved, and the whole plot tighter. I added more effects, polished a few things here and there, and my personal favorite; color corrected a few things. I know one thing for sure and that is crap with a paint job is still crap. But I understand my film better and this new edit is what I was really trying to say as best as I could with the material I had. Keep in mind I did not have the raw footage anymore since my computer crashed, but I made due. Below is my newly edited short film with a brief synopsis accurately depicting the plot. Enjoy.



Synopsis
After a girl acknowledges interest in a young man he attempts to summon the courage to pay interest back but not before he goes on a trip within his head to discover and interpret his feelings.

The Piece (2009 Edit), Short Film
Written and Directed by Shan Howerton
Starring: Shan Howerton, Stephanie Walker, Catherine Kim Poon
Running Time: 4 min.
Camera: HVX200
Format: 24p, 16:9, HDTV Widescreen

So I can finally put my short film to rest. As far as my fear goes I can say only one thing and it is that what I went through is necessary as I climb to the top.

Small steps. Big breaks.

- Peace

How to get a Girlfriend in High School

How to get a Girlfriend in High School

For freshman and beginners of the art

When I was a freshman in high school I gave advice to guys from the obvious, how to cheat in math, to the obscure, sleeping with your teacher. I was dead serious and had no experience what so ever about this stuff.

For those who don’t know, being a freshman in high school is like your first time in prison. To quote the movie Office Space, “you either get in a fight your first day (You know to show people not to fuck with you) or you become somebody’s bitch.

I did not want to be somebody’s bitch (Happened anyway, everyone becomes a bitch eventually). Even my Dad called me a bitch the other day when we were on our way home.

But anyways…

At the time I was trying to help people, but mostly I just like to mess with people. The way I see it is that you either show everyone how much experience and skill you have with something you can talk passionately about or you follow a group (or even one person) who you feel can support you and teach you the ways to survive (In high school).

So every chance I got during breaks, lunch, and group discussions I would tell guys how to get a girl to be yours. Only problem is I lacked proper experience, a mentor, and a girlfriend. So you can understand this didn't go well and it did not last long. Basically, I was a triple threat of humiliation. Although I was a freshman so nothing really mattered especially my status quo. But for a good month or two I received some popularity and was bully free. I did get bullied till graduation, which was in part due to this stunt.

Anyways…

Here is what I said (Cause I remember exactly) the way I said it step-by-step. This is me bullshitting at max.

Step 1

Find your target. Do not think about it hard. Actually if she gives you a hard-on you are done thinking.

Step 2

Stalk her like an animal and discover her habits. This is very important for…

What I learned, girls cry, a lot.

Step 3

Get to know her (Research). Approach her through what you learned and through social events (Her friends, prom, etc.). Basically make sure you exist to her.

*Do not directly approach her. For some reason I am real hung up on the non-direct approach, even before I was shy, I was shy as shit. Is that what they call a conundrum?

Moving on…

Step 4

Setup a routine. Bumping into her casually, helping her or Visa versa. This step is about constant casual chitchat to build up interest and of course sexual tension (Attraction). There are many ways to go about this but find away through a routine. Do not ever push her or yourself out of a comfort zone (Not yet anyways).

*I have accidently found a pattern (Routine) of meeting the same person on my way home and talking to them, it was very casual, natural, and worked out well.

Step 5

Dig deeper. Start pushing sexual interest. Are you physically attracted to her? Show it. Can you flirt? Start practicing. Can you seduce? Seduce a way. The key here is to be obvious. Now I am not talking about making a complete 180 from casual chitchat. From the beginning you should be playing the single guy interested in the single lady card. The goal all along is for you to date her. This is the step that separates the men from the boys. Your intentions are to get a girlfriend (Not a friend, buddy, or pal), do not forget this.

Brief summary thus far

So you exist to her, you both know a little about each other and you see her casually on a constant basis (Routine). By now even you should know what you want to do and where you are. If you are stuck just imagine you are on a ladder and start climbing. Do not forget to take a break every few steps for a breath of fresh air. Breaks are needed. Most importantly shake things up and like I said earlier, be obvious. No stress. Just keep pushing for more.

The next steps (Steps 6 and up) are for when you have escalated with the girl in some way (Basically, dating or similar). If you are not here yet or something is not working out you can either find someone else, repeat steps 1-5, or invite a little Chaos Theory into the equation. You control your life. Remember this.

Step 6

Now pull back. She knows your intentions and you have done enough to get your point across. Back the F*** off. This is the time for balance. Have her start talking and inviting you to things more. Start hanging out with other people. Giving the appropriate space is important here (Especially in marriage). Occupy yourself and gain her interest through validation (Approval) and time (Timing).

Step 7

Be direct, open, and go with your feelings. I could suggest many tricks or gimmicks, but this would not be you. Be yourself without killing the mood. Many things work here, but do not think it through too deeply, keep it simple. Also be physical, touching and the likes. You probably do this already, but this is just a key sign of where you are.

*I have touched people many times to find their interest towards me. Even though that sounded dirty, just keep it in mind. Interactions cause reactions.

Step 8

Now you should be either:

A. Dating her

B. Still trying or

C. Frustrated.

Remember that you can always back off smoothly if things are not as you had planned (No harm done right?). Although you should have gained some experience now. So learn from this and move on.

*Some last minute tips- Grow some balls, keep emotions in check and keep climbing up that ladder. Things are going to get worse before they get better. Start getting comfortable being uncomfortable. Intentions should be pure, but do it your way.

Finally

Keep the relationship strong and to avoid future bumps, keep it real, keep it fresh. Try new things out. Discuss problems. Give each other space. Etc.

Done and done. I said all this as a freshman, God knows I was doomed from the start to assume so much and years later be right.

Life sucks, so go be a sucker.

To Kill a Man: The Life of a Mad Man

I struggled quite a bit making this short story. It is a very dark creepy tale into the mind of a sick person. I am usually a happy go lucky kind of guy so it was very hard to do. I think I like the addition of dark/goth/horror content involved in a story just not the whole thing. My next stories will most likely be more comedy and fantasy, but I will remember what I learned here and use it for something else. Nothing is wasted in life. Nothing. Happy April Fools' day.

To Kill a Man: The Life of a Mad Man

Recently released: The personal [written] audio logs of the psychotic murderer, Sime Nane, on record about his first homicide.

I am Sime Nane. I am insane. To kill a man is nothing short of sweet. I can do this. I will do this.

May, 13 2000

Sometimes I...wake up and see nothing. I feel like I am nothing. Then I get out of bed. Realize, I have to get ready for the rest of the day. All these other thoughts come in. It all makes sense. Love. Life. Happiness. Friends. My past, future, present, and then I brush my teeth. What does it mean? Am I slowly slipping into insanity? Am I go insane or have I realized something. Something that can make or break a man. A human being. Or is it just another question. Who am I? What am I doing here? Only time will tell.

May, 14 2000

My insomnia's getting worse. I...I'm not sure how it started. Either jokingly being around my family or the mere fact that with my generation it's very easy to fall off track with the natural cycle of things. But its hit the tipping point. I don't need to sleep at all. Well, only to catch an hour or two for my eyes. Just to know I am alive. I don't even know what the day is anymore. If the days mean anything. I once joked about going a week without sleep. Some joke.

May, 15 2000

I exist, but its quite pointless actually. Even the sweetest moments of my life are just a joke. An ice breaker at that ah, party. Sure I get laughed and ridculed like everyone else. Just like your average citizen. Except I don't like it and I don't think I deserve it. But there is a way. A way for me to take charge of my life. Just its...not what people would expect. Not even what I would expect. It's not the answer that drives me. Not even the question. I think I know what I have to do.

May, 16 2000

I struggled sleeping again last night. It has been a while since I have had a good nights rest. I guess it does not matter. I usually dream horrible things and this was no exception. I cannot remember what it was. The only thing I can say is that it scared the life out of me and I liked it. Not how someone likes ice cream or walks by the beach. But how you like it when the bad guy wins or when a woman gets a beating. Yes, my enjoyment. My pleasures in life have changed. Taken a complete one-eighty.

May, 17 2000

Walls, I remember the walls from my dream now. They were full of the dead body parts of everyone I have ever known. I killed people and lusted for more. I hated it. But this was a dream of course. One thing that I know for sure is that I do not want to stop. I do not want to stop killing or hurting, because it makes me feel complete. Even if the feeling lasts for only a short while. Even if it is all in my head. It is worth it.

May, 18 2000

My greatest fear is not being caught or even dying as a sinner. I think my greatest fear is no longer feeling this sensation. The best way to describe it is like a blood rush, a sugar high. If only people knew how good it feels. Once you get past the unbelievable fear and sickness that people feel about it. To overcome the mere sight of death and partake in it. Become it. Do not hate or love the lack of life because there will always be living things. To take away that which is alive is to feel great for being a part of the divine plan. This is what brings a smile to my face. Slice of skin here, a splash of blood there. Yes, once you get past that first initial feeling that murder is wrong, it is addictive. I simply let go and lust for a warm body.

May, 19 2000
Today I almost lost my nerve. My grip on reality is running thin. I had to kill that store clerk. I am so stupid because I didn't. Such a stupid mistake on my part. I still remember the smile he gave as he handed me change for my lighter. The lighter was for him. It was only an hour ago but my blood is still rushing. Do you think he knew I was planning to use the lighter to burn him? To burn his whole store down? This is what I love about people. They are so clueless about the important things in life. Especially death. When I am staring at you and smiling, I am going to kill you. Without hesitation I could kill as easy as I sleep. I know this now. Even if it means waiting for the kill, I will make sure to get you to bleed. I am not done with him. I am not done with anyone.

May, 20 2000
Sure, I am crazy but would I really care about people, life, even if I thought I was sane? Would I stop myself? Let me explain this almost amazing kill. Remember, the other day I had planned to kill the clerk so subtle like. I bought the lighter and left. Then, today I came back. I asked for the bathroom key and right before I walked out I asked him to show me where it was exactly. The rest was well thought out. He was nothing to me, but another dead piece of meat. Clearly ignoring everything he was saying he walked over to me and pointed to the bathroom around back. I did what came naturally after that. I grabbed his finger and bent it backwards like a twig. The next parts came by so fast. I just shoved his face through the glass door knocking him unconscious or he might have been in shock. It was loud and noticeable. But it felt great. The next part was supposed to be the best. But this is where the problem came into play. I had planned in my head to slowly drag him to the bathroom, bite his neck, and then suck his blood till he slowly died in my arms. That was when I realized my mistake that this was all in my head. Was that the mistake? My head hurts.

May, 21 2000

When I get myself into a very dark mood I think of ways to kill people. I mean if I do not kill people differently every time it gets very boring. Today, while I was thinking these things someone was watching me. Not a cop, but maybe a PI. Private Investigators are worse than reporters in my eyes. They dig deeper for the story, carry p-shooters, and are always near a phone and a car. This PI must have been on my case for a while. For some reason, maybe a jealous girlfriend or something more human like tax evasion. No way he was tailing me. I am too paranoid to have a tail. Whatever the case might be when the PI takes my picture I am done for. I saw him just take off in his car and one snapshot is all it takes to finish my parade. And I love a parade. He could just watch me drag a guy’s body to some desolate spot and the second I struggle, I notice something is off. Click, smile for the camera. I do not want my parade to end for nothing, but it must end.

May, 22 2000
I do not see my stalker today. I am insane, its nothing really. Although my features are so common it will not be hard to find me. Silver eyes full of dark creases. Greased up straight hair. And my tall slim figure with a heavy hunchback. I am done for. The cops will notice my common spots and daily activities I partake in this city. Even now I should be running. But I am not. I kill people. So what. I should be caught. I should be punished by the strict hand of the law. People need someone to blame to feel safe. Yes. I don't need to stop. This is my fate. So I am going to just wait here right by the door. Wait for them to knock it down. No, first they will knock. Knock aggressively no doubt. Maybe, just maybe I will strike first. Who knows.

May, 23 2000

Hell, this looks like the end of my insane thoughts. My mindless killing spree. I wonder what they do to killers in prison? What am I saying. I will not even get that far. Open and shut case. Murderers only go to one place.To whoever finds this I have one word of advice. No matter how obtuse or bizarre a dream might be, follow it. In the end be proud of the choices you made. Of who you are. Kill or be killed.

Prior audio logs placed with the above collection by Sime Nane.

Feb, 24 1999
Today, I have to be honest, because I feel pretty good. Actually I think I feel kind of like a mix between the thoughtless drunk and the peace talking pot smoker. You feel good, smooth, and peaceful. Why do I feel these great moments of Euphoria for nothing. Is my mind trying to tell me something. Is my body confused? As I sit here I start to calmly thinking about asexuality. I wish to declare myself an asexual. Not too long ago I used this as an excuse. I have a lack of interest in sex of any kind, except I still play with myself, but what turns me on is a little abstract. I am afraid to tell people what it is that gets my blood pumping.

Feb, 25 1999

So this is definitely not asexuality or even a mid-life crisis. I am just a middle aged, confused, sex crazed alcoholic. Like most males my age, I am regretfully normal. My only regret is that I cannot blame my confusion or lack of social relationships on anyone else but me. I am just the run of the mill adult getting by with no debt to society.

Feb, 26 1999
So now that the past day of highness is out of the way I can seriously talk. Something is really bugging me. I remember how I always have a set goal in my mind for my life. Like sex, ignore it. Relationships, run away. I do this almost every year like a New Year’s resolution even if I am not trying. It naturally happens and I think it’s healthy. Every second we are growing and evolving and I doubt I can stop my thoughts from doing the same. I am changing and what better time then right now.

Feb, 27 1999
So I start thinking about my past and perceive insanity as a plausible part of life. My life. Where I stand is simple and open. I am open to the idea of killing my dreams and goals because it is all in my mind. Killing, this intrigues me even more. I think that I have been this way for a while. The same interests since I hit puberty. My mind works like a system with two sides. One is almost entirely separate from the other. I want to kill and hate people. A casually suave thing. I always start with one person but I have no real cap on how many. Only my expectations are for it to be real, intentional, and be caught in the moment. Pure unexpected tension and hopefully more.

Feb, 28 1999

The only way I see having sex now is very odd. I think all my experiences are slowly leading me to this point. My awkward conversations with people, my disregard for my body, my random jobs, my constant stalking. It is bound to happen. I find that doing this is not going to make me a whore but instead that it will set me up for a life with an unknown but special death. So my first goal is interconnected with my finale. Naturally I assume every little experience in life is a moment of importance valued and studied leading to that point of fruition. The goal. I think I am realistic. I am not normal among most heterosexual men. I just get these strong random thoughts. Like a strong itch. Rather, I will seclude myself off for a little while. Dreams, life, reality. I need to understand and interpret these meanings.

Current audio logs are Sime Nane's final words while in custody before his execution.

Final Day, 1. Killing

To be honest, I was disappointed. The man I killed was not my stalker, but I could not sleep on an empty stomach. That night when I came home I had suspected a burglary. My stalker was the suspect, but I was a bit let down. I found things messed about and items taken. I was frustrated and confused. That was when I called the men in black and blue. Why not? Going out to get some air was all I could do, this average citizen. Although outside was my reward. A random passerby making out with my neighbor by her doorstep caught my attention. Those lovely words. I had to crush him. I was compelled. "Baby you are something sweet, lata," the greasy way he said it full of life. As he walked by my place I took out a cigarette and offered one to him. He politely denied, the greasy swine. That was when I struck. I carefully went to light the denied cigarette, but dropped the lighter. Was this a mistake? He had watched me carefully and went down to pick it up. I looked up at the bright moon so beautiful, so innconcent. I am not sure what happened next, but the blood rush was intense. I was holding a man like a simple little animal in my cold embrace. We both lay there one dead and the other cold. I had killed a man in the full moon light open to the eyes and ears of all. Was I stupid or passionate? Neither I'd assume.

Final Day, 2. Getting Caught

The law was coming for me and I told them to come. There was blood everywhere. More then I had suspected could come from a greasy swine like him. I was gentle. Holding him in my arms as the blood oozed out of his eyes. Was that what I did? It is hard to remember something so sensational. Almost like your first time, it is a moment, but it is so forgetful. I heard a scream when I looked down from the full embrace of the moon. Two men in black and blue had picked me up and slammed me so inconveniently into the ground. I watched the blood drip towards me as I was quickly dragged away. People were starting to gather around. I saw a lady crying, the man's prior lover. She screamed again, oh, so sweet like. I only wish there was a way to reset the moment or freeze it in my mind. But the first time slips away. Sadly, it all slips away.

Final Day, 3. Conclusion

I see through a single eye of light blue. What I see is how I kill you. What I did was nothing hard. To kill a man. I confess because I take heart into what I do. This is my passion even right before my own death. So many people I could have killed, but I am not some random killer. This is an art. This takes intelligent direction and skillful execution, if I can quote an old friend. Everyone is depressed and angry on the inside. No one is happy. My death shall cause some closure. Tomorrow I die and life is so sweet. I die with a purpose. I die with defeat.